Ricochet member Nate posted on Obamacare's embarrassing new "Brosurance" ads (and I wrote about them here), but did you know that the same brain trust created an Obamacare game? Step away from Candy Crush and Words with Friends to play The Game of Obamacare!
In this online Life knockoff, your happiness is directly proportional to the amount of governmental intervention in your personal affairs. You start by choosing your game piece (in shockingly heteronormative colors of pink and blue) and spinning the digital wheel.
Am I thanking Obamacare for my embarrassing infantilization or the record-breaking youth unemployment levels? Forward regardless, since a layoff and moving back with my money-strapped parents adds to my "happiness" score. Why spend money on an expensive trip to the Greek isles when I can experience their economy right here in the states?
The game's other side trips can add or remove points. In the plus column are events like "picked to be on a reality show" and "win tickets to the Super Bowl." Nearly every source of government-free happiness stems from dumb luck rather than personal initiative, wise planning or self-sacrifice.
I spin again. The game tells me, "Sweet! What did you do on your vacation? Just blew out that knee you injured in high school skiing…" Why, the good news just keeps coming. Since I have Obamacare, my happiness soars despite my confinement to a wheelchair and a lifetime of aching joints every time the weather turns.
After somehow taking a beach vacation (maybe now I'm in a public-sector union?) I end up with a kid who has asthma. Of course this also adds to my personal happiness because junior can visit Ol' Doc Obama as soon as we navigate the multi-year waiting list. "I know you need to wait until 2018 for an inhaler, son, but I've never been happier."
My years from thirty-something 'til retirement are unmentioned, probably because I rarely interfaced with our Great Father in Washington. But bad knee and all I somehow survive until a quizzically early retirement (thanks, SEIU!). Then my life abruptly ends at 62.
Mercifully, it's a happy death because I have continually made government-approved choices from birth through death. I never had to think or provide for myself, but instead relied on benevolent bureaucrats and the occasional guest appearance on "Pawn Stars."
Now it's your turn. Play the game and let me know how Obamacare "helped" you!